Bollywood, you son of a gun! You never fail to make our eyes go wide. Mostly in disgust. Here’s a list of some Bollywood song that will make your stomach churn.
1.Chal Pyar Karegi:
“Chal Pyar Karegi”
“Mere saath chalegi?”
“Ab tu haan kar ya na kar teri marzi soniye.
Hum tujhko utha kar le jayenge.
Doli mein bitha kar le jayenge.”
Chal Pyar Karegi is an adorable love song where the guy threatens to kidnap the love of his life if she doesn’t come with him. As one does in situations like this, of course.
Throughout the song, we see Twinkle Khanna refuses to come with Salman Khan (maybe because he wants to drive?). For reasons that she doesn’t owe you, she doesn’t wanna go with Salman Khan. So, Salman Khan cheerfully frolics about threatening to stuff her in a doorless hand picked carriage.
Dude obviously hasn’t planned a kidnapping before.
2. Main Maike Chali Jaungi:
“Tu maike chali jayegi, Main danda leke launga”
“Tu danda leke ayega, Main kooen me gir jaungi”
“Main rassi se khichwaunga”
“Main ped pe chad jaungi”
“Main ari se katwaunga”
Main Maike Chali Jaungi is like the scene from the Dark Knight where the Joker blows up the hospital, not in terms of direction or cinematography or acting. In terms of darkness. It’s basically a weird carnival of painfully dangerous situations. Just like most carnivals.
This woman is trying to get away from her partner who is abusive, her partner then threatens to among other things, beat her with a stick, use a rope to pull her out of any well she may use as a refuge and axe any tree she might climb to escape.
An upbeat tune, a rapey vibe and a man who won’t let this woman leave will give you chills.
3. Tu haan kar ya na kar:
“Maang Loonga Tujhe Asaman Se
Chheen Loonga Tujhe Is Jahaan Se
Tu Haan Kar Ya Naa Kar
Tu Haan Kar Ya Naa Kar
Tu Hai Meri Kiran
Tu Hai Meri Kiran”
Holy Molly! Is this guy for real?
Sociopath and man who needs to surgically remove his head out of his ass, Shah Rukh Khan’s character does this weird voodoo crap, vandalises the girl’s portrait and yells out to Lucifer in front of his bae’s portrait. While understandably any woman might have second thoughts about dating someone who probably eats raw rabbit hearts for dinner, lucky for her, she doesn’t have a choice.
As SRK says, “Tu haan kar ya na kar, tu hai Meri Kiran!”
Honorable mention: Imaan sheikh for adding a new line to the song in her Feminist Bollywood Gifs (Tu haan kar ya na kar, teri marzi kiran). No, I would still not have beer with Shah Rukh Khan’s character.
4. Gandi Baat:
“Tune bola hat mawali,
Bhaw nahi diya re.
ABCD padh li bohat.
Thandi aahein bhar li bohot
Acchi baatein kar li bohat
Ab karunga tere saath
This will serve as a pleasant nostalgia to every woman who has the fond memory of getting barrage of unsolicited penis art (dick pics). Because obviously in some parallel universe, hat mawali is an invitation to some filthy sexting.
5. Khambe jaisi khadi hai
“Gora gora ye badan bijali se bana
440 volt hain…. chhuna hai mana…
Aayi hai college mein padhane ke liye
Jab dekho taiyaar hai ladane ke liye…
Hamne khaayi hai kasam todenge isaka guroor hum…”
Khambe jaisi khadi hai is a reinforcement of that adorable Bollywood trope of a guy who just won’t let go. They hang out by stairs with his dudebros, hoping you’ll be impressed by their lack of self-esteem or their absolute incapacity to fit into human civilization.
So then they try harassing you because what could be sexier than that? The problem here, if you just happen to be daft enough is that her consent, her desire to not be touched is guroor, arrogance, unjustified elitism, that must be broken by the legion of horny, self-righteous men.